I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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