I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
