just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
