Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
