i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize