dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize