so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
