I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
