I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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