Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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