She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize