My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
