that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize