Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize