dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Randomize
