Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize