Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
