I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
