If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Randomize
