Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i think i have herpe
just one?
you didnt know i had herpes?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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