even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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