he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
