Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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