what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
