you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
