this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize