I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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