omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
