There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
