Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
