I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
the condom got lost in my hair
We got so high we made milksteak
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
