I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
