Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
