legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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