that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
