umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
