i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
