I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize