Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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