I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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