you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Randomize
