She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
