All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
