its not stalking. its research.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He felt like a one man threesome
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
