bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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