ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
