We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Randomize
