He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I think my moral compass just broke
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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