Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
