running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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