Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize