I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
