At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
