I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize