You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
