____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
