oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
