I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
