and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
