her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
