my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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