some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
