I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
