Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My room smells like vodka and shame
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
