i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
