i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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