I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The beer is more important than you right now.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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