i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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