Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You made out with two different species that night
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
