I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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