she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
