We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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