Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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